How to write a birthday letter to your child (with prompts)
· 5 min read
A short letter every birthday is one of the best things you can leave your kids. What to write, how long it should be, and prompts for every age.
Imagine being handed eighteen letters on your eighteenth birthday, one from each year, written by a parent who was watching you become yourself. Most people would give a lot for one.
It takes about five minutes a year. The hard part isn’t the writing. It’s remembering to do it, and not waiting for the perfect letter.
Keep it short
Five or six sentences is enough. A letter you actually write every year beats a beautiful one you write twice. Nobody at eighteen will wish their parent had been more eloquent.
Write to them, not about them
Say “you.” Not “Leo loves trains this year” but “you love trains so much that you greet them.” It reads completely differently twenty years on.
Be specific
General love is true and forgettable. Details are what they’ll keep rereading.
- What they say wrong, and what they say constantly.
- What they’re afraid of, and what they’re brave about.
- Who their best friend is this month.
- What a normal morning with them is like.
- Something they did this year that you were proud of and didn’t say.
Prompts by age
- Baby: what makes you laugh every time; how you fall asleep; what we call you that nobody else would understand.
- Toddler: your newest word; the thing you insist on doing yourself; what you carry everywhere.
- Preschool: the question you asked that I couldn’t answer; the game you invented; what you want to be, as of today.
- School age: what you taught me this year; what you declared unfair; what was on your mind at bedtime.
- Older: what we disagreed about and who was right; what you’re listening to on repeat; when you last surprised me.
Say the hard year too
If it was a difficult year, for them or for you, say so, gently. A grown child reading that you found it hard and loved them anyway is getting something more useful than a highlight reel.
When to write it
The night before their birthday, after they’re asleep. The year is fresh, the house is quiet, and tomorrow is too busy. Put a reminder on it, because you will not remember otherwise.
